Bali Writer’s Retreat, 2018/Monthly membership challenge #5
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September was all about Travel and Direction for Kaila’s membership crew.
For ten of us, that meant the Bali writer’s retreat. For the rest, writing prompts centered around direction (to incorporate into your writing) were posted every Wednesday, and an “All Day Slay” was held toward the end of the month to challenge you to get as much done as possible. And since Kaila was abroad for a good chunk of the month, we were lucky enough to have Mandi Lynn step in to run the lives.
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As you all know by now, I was in the first group. Despite having fears and anxiety centered around flying, traveling, traveling ALONE, meeting new people, being in strange/new places, being out of my routine, being away from family, having people look at my chapters… (honestly, I could go on), I packed my bags and headed off to the writer’s retreat.
So, how was the retreat, you ask? Pff! Amazing, inspiring, terrifying, chaotic, calming, nerve wracking, button pushing, motivating, interesting, thought provoking… Think sun baking, tummy filling, playful swimming, picture taking, reading and writing (coz, duh), constant laughing, continuous talking, endless dreaming, anxiety inducing (sorry, but it’s true), memory making, world changing, life altering… Have I made my point yet?
This was one of the biggest, scariest, most challenging things I’ve ever done. I learnt new things, made new friends and pushed myself out of my comfort zone.
In the workshops we talked about our intentions for our platform, our attitude to money, our target audience, our platforms and how to improve them, the pros and cons of traditional vs self publishing and so much more. Outside of the workshops we did morning meditations, used the beautiful villa as the backdrop for photo-shoots, had in depth conversations about the writing world, and opened up to our new friends about more personal struggles we were having as authors. The whole week was filled with moments for self-reflection, growth and support.
So, let’s look at some of the highlights, shall we?
Best part: Meeting so many amazing women and having the opportunity to sit and talk to them for hours. Whether about random family stuff, listing books we loved, sharing information or having a deep dive conversation about a topic we desperately needed answers for, this was easily the best part of the retreat. The wealth of knowledge that these women have to share is insurmountable. Some served as a rock to my emotional stability, some made me laugh harder than I have in years, but all of them shared something with me that I didn’t know before, and that is invaluable.
Biggest lesson: Despite the troubles that I faced in Bali- which I’ll talk more about in a moment- the biggest lesson for me was one of strength and growth. I am capable of so much more than I think. Deep down under all the self-doubt and anxiety, still lies the girl who looks fear in the eye and says, “bring it.” The girl who broke down into a fit of tears at the top of a high ropes course 10-15 years ago, but refused to be “brought” down, insisting that I would do it myself despite how terrified I was. I thought I had lost that girl for a long time. But going on this retreat and facing my issues with travelling, flying, new people and places etc. made me realize that I am still that girl. That brave, daring, quietly challenging the world to bring on more, girl. And that alone lights a fire in me that I thought had long ago died.
Hardest part: Being away from my “people”. My loved ones hold me up when I can’t stand. I’m not going to sugar coat it. On a good day I can run and jump and play with the best of them. But on a bad day, when it all feels too much, and I want to give up, those people carry me through. So even though I was in this beautiful place, with incredible people, doing this amazing thing for myself, in the moments when the anxiety was hitting me, it was hitting me HARD. I spent a great deal of the trip feeling homesick, and without my people to vent to, it was hard to shake that feeling. Honestly, I’m just glad that the people I was with were so amazing, warm, kind hearted people, and they made those times a little easier- and now I have all these new friends that I know will love and support me when I’m struggling.
Would I go again: Honestly, probably not. Unless there was a very specific thing that drew me to it. This trip took a lot out of me, mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. And while I got a lot out of this retreat, I don’t know if I would do it again- just based on my own personality and priorities. That said…
Would I recommend it: Heck yes! This was a huge stepping stone for me. It opened me up to community, information and a world I didn’t know existed. If you find yourself needing more than what you can reach yourself, reach to someone who can lend you a hand. Whether that’s an online course, a workbook, or a retreat, you need to do what’s best for you.
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Now, since this month’s focus was on travel and direction, let’s talk about those two.
Travel: So many people talk about how good travel is for you. They talk about the people you meet and the things you see and do, and how “enlightening” everything is. They talk about travel like being away is so exciting and full of wisdom and personal growth- but being home is boring and you’ll never learn anything new here. And I’m not refuting any of the great things people have said about travel over the years, but what if you’re not a “travel” kind of person. Do you stay at home and get guilted into thinking you’ll never have culture in your life? Or do you drag your feet to the airport, go on the Contiki tours with a scowl, and feel miserable the whole time?
I am NOT a travel person. I like to get away from home occasionally, but a trip to another town, or state, will cure that. I want to go to Spain one day, but the likelihood of that happening is a lot less than you think. And it’s because it’s not always worth the time, money, anxiety and recovery for me to go. I had two panic attacks while I was in Bali (almost three) and since coming home I’ve noticed that my anxiety has been a lot worse than it was when I left. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love the retreat, but by going I have actually set myself back several months on my progress to getting better. It’s really important to remember to take care of ourselves all the time- not just when we’re stressed. And to remember to consider your limits. Am I suggesting that someone like me shouldn’t go on one of these retreats in the future, or travel for any other writing related trip? HELL NO. But make sure that if you’re not the travel “type” that you do things in a way that you’re comfortable with. For example, I insisted that I had a flight straight to Bali (without layovers) to minimise stress at airports- even if I had to pay more. For some, this isn’t an issue. For others, this isn’t an option. My point is, know your options, and work within the realm of what you’re comfortable with.
Direction: I’ll admit, I didn’t know what direction I was going on when I signed up to do the retreat. Even on the first night there, I felt completely out of my depths and without a clue. I had plenty of ideas, but no real sense of which way I was actually headed. The retreat actually helped me with this. Not only was the content there to help you figure out what you want to do and when, but I was literally surrounded by other writers who I could bounce ideas off.
When I started taking writing seriously, I went from not doing anything (writing related) to thinking that I had to do everything. I saw how much other people were doing and got it in my head that I had to do more. (DON’T DO THIS PEOPLE. Do you. You’ll do it better.) But in trying to (work out how to) do stuff I didn’t even want to do, I was forgetting about stuff that I DO want to do! After talking to several different people about my “ideas”, those ideas became plans. Even those that I don’t yet know how to do, or haven’t a clue when I’ll do them, or still need to really figure out. Now that I know what it is that I want to be doing, I am a lot more confident that I can and will do them well.
In my opinion, it’s really important that you work out what you want to do first. Then work out how to do it. Then when. If you try to set up a YouTube channel in the next six months by googling how, when you don’t even know that you want to do it, let alone that quickly, with no knowledge of the process, you’re not really going to enjoy it, are you? Whether you want to focus on one thing or take on the world, spend some time thinking about your goals. What are your dreams and how can you achieve them. Take five minutes, five days or five weeks- keeping in mind that the longer it takes you to figure it out, the longer it will be before you get to work and start seeing those dreams coming true- and make a plan on how and when you will work towards those dreams. If you don’t make a plan, you could be floundering for a while, and not really know why. But if you decide on what you want and how you’re going to go after it, you will see progress (sometimes big, sometimes small) every day- because you know where you are and where you’re going.