Honesty Hour is a new series I’m doing, in which I’ll share my raw and honest feelings about topics that are on my mind. Some opinions will no doubt be met with resounding cheers, while others might make me pretty unpopular. But I have been honest with you all so far, so why not dive deeper.
Kristen Martin gave us Tea Time with KM and Kim Chance gave us Coffee Talks.
I give you: Honest Hour
I have a confession to make: I don’t “believe” in manifestation.
Gasp!
These days it’s hard to throw a stone, or a cynical sideways glance, without finding someone who wholeheartedly believes that if they just “want” something enough, the universe will provide it.
For those who don’t know what manifestation is, that pretty much sums it up. It’s essentially the belief and practice of thinking positive thoughts and believing that you can and will get what you want, manifesting into the reality you desire. You make your vision board, you imagine your future the way you want it, and in time your dreams come true.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all suggesting that positive thinking and planning for your future don’t have their place. But while there is a lot to be said for the upside of manifestation, I worry about the downside to it.
Oh, you didn’t know there was a downside?
Picture this: You’ve been in a long-term relationship with your partner for 8 years and you both desperately want children- but you’re struggling. You’ve done several rounds of IVF to make it happen, applied for adoption twice only for the birth mothers to change their minds, and now you’re researching surrogacy, hoping to find an option that is legal and fits with your own personal morals. You’ve prayed every night, seen psychologists and psychics, endured years of medication and acupressure, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, and every waking thought has been about that little bundle of joy you’ll one day have. Now imagine someone just told you that “manifestation” is the key- that all you have to do it “want” it more.
Ouch.
Too far-fetched?
How about a writer that has spent ten years working on their book? They’ve done several rounds of revisions, plus professional edits, sent it out for beta reading, researched agents, publishing houses and the current industry and its trends. But no one wants to sign them and their book. Now tell them they didn’t “believe” in their dream enough.
Yikes.
I want to reiterate: I believe in the power of positive thinking. I’m not saying that “manifestation” is a bad thing. But I do think it has its place. And I think that comes down to who you are, and how you think.
Ever had a really tough conversation with a person and instantly gotten, “God will provide” in return? That’s swell for those who believe in a god, but for those who don’t, it doesn’t mean much- if anything it sounds a lot like “you’re on your own” instead. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the sentence, or the sentiment, but that, if you don’t believe in a god, in the universe, in a higher power, it isn’t a comforting thought.
And that’s how I feel about manifestation. It’s a higher power. It’s something you put your faith in, knowing it will comfort you through your struggles, and pull you through, seeing you to a better day.
But I don’t “believe” in manifestation.
So, the question becomes, what do I believe in?
I believe in momentum- otherwise known as The Snowball Effect (TSE).
We all know TSE from day to day life. You didn’t want to exercise until you started and then you did the entire circuit. You made a deal with yourself that doing just the dishes would be enough, but then you chucked on a load of washing while the pot soaked and by the end of the day you had done three times what you thought you would. Or what about that day you went out with a friend expecting a chill day of catching up in the sun, and ended up going on a shopping spree and finding the best dress you own?
TSE can also go the other way. We all know those mornings when we don’t sleep well, so we wake up cranky. Then we don’t eat a proper breakfast, so be become sleepy and hungry- making us extra cranky. Then that crankiness escapes and starts an argument with a loved one. Now your cranky and sad and a little guilty. And your day only gets worse from there.
These are just small everyday examples of how TSE is everywhere. But what if we made it work for us?
In place of manifestation, I build a snowball.
I start small and add to it as I go. I watch it grow. Sometimes I marvel at how big it is, other times I watch it hit a wall and fall apart.
And the beauty of this mentality, for me anyway, is that I have control over it. If it’s getting too big, I don’t add as much to it. If it falls apart, I decide if I want to put it back together or walk away to make a new one. And all the while, I take the blame, along with the credit, of what the snowball looks like.
For me, turning to a higher power has felt like a scapegoat to get out of my struggles (“they” can take care of that) and a wish come true that I had no control over (well I wished on my birthday candles, so really I had nothing to do with it). So, TSE puts the good, the bad, and the ugly of the situation, firmly in my hands. It’s not that I don’t still wish on starts as a gown adult, but that if I fail or succeed, I don’t give the credit to manifestation. If I get a promotion, it’s because I worked hard for it. If I get a promotion and a raise, it’s because I earned the bonus. Sure, sometimes credit goes to timing and dumb luck- those are the moments something good comes along that you weren’t thinking about or expecting in any way (for the sake of the metaphor you could consider this a stranger giving a helping hand, or an unexpected snowfall from which to add more snow)- but most of the time, the momentum of the snowball growth is owed to the effort I commit to it.
In my mind, manifestation and momentum aren’t all that different- it’s just how you choose to look at the situation. Where someone might say, “I got a new job, a promotion, a new boyfriend, moved to a new home and then got engaged, all within a year. And it was because I wanted it so badly, meditated on it, and thought about it every day- and the universe provided.” I would say, “I started the year with a high and I used that to motivate me to work hard toward my dreams. Each win pushed me forward, creating a snowball effect of growing happiness throughout the year, ending the year on even more of a high than I started with.”
So, what do you think? Are you a big believer in manifestation, or is “snowballing’ your hard work and success more your jam? What do you find to be the best motivator to be the best version of yourself that you can be?
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